Intergenerational Small Groups

Jesus prayed in John 17 that "we would be one." Across the streams and denominations, across the nations there is a growing unity in the body of Christ. However, when Jesus prayed this prayer He was looking for complete unity, a unity that included the generations.
 
Have you noticed how generationally fractured we are, and how we talk of "generation gaps"? The fracture of the generations is in the hearts and attitudes of people towards generations that are not their own, and this is apparent in the life of many homes, churches, and nations. We just are not together anymore!
 
Isaiah 41:4 says "Who is He calling and guiding the destiny of the generations from the beginning? I the Lord with the first and with the last of them, I am He." As the generations were created by the Almighty God, "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder"!
 
In secular society we can read of many attempts to bring about empowerment through one generation caring for another. This is seen, for example, in mentoring of teenagers, family counseling, and volunteer grandparent figures for children who have none.
 
However, I have seen people disillusioned as they have tried to repair these generation gaps in their churches, mostly by introducing new structures with generations whose hearts were not committed to each other. Malachi 4 says, "Before the great and terrible day of the Lord, I will send the Spirit of Elijah and He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to the fathers, or else I will strike the land with a curse." The "Spirit of Elijah" is here, it is a new day and God is bringing restoration to the generations as He turns the hearts of a generation of fathers to the children.
 
Community is being established through small groups of people who are committed to "Love God, love each other, and love the lost." Some of these are made up of members from different generations, from children to the elderly. They are being called "Intergenerational Small Groups.” Through these, unredeemed paradigms are being challenged - never an easy process!
 
We have become so familiar with living independently from other generations, so it may feel uncomfortable and strange learning to be vulnerable, evangelize, and disciple across the generations. However, it can be a powerful expression of God's original plan that "by this shall all men know that you are my disciples, when you have love one for another (including across the generations!)."

 So... what are 10 ways to restore the generations within the intergenerational small group context?

• Prototype your first intergenerational small group with visionaries who are emotionally healthy adults and children.
  Ideally, these need to be a mixture of singles, couples, and families. In this early stage, it is important that other members of your church can see that this is about the generations, not just about families or children. This group needs to be a success and an inspiration to others that will follow. From this small group can come a source of support, help, and encouragement in the early days of pioneering these small groups in your church.

• Give members the opportunity to take into their hearts the values that underpin intergenerational small groups. 
  These include understanding God's purposes and plans for the generations as portrayed in the Word of God from Genesis to Revelation! One of the foundational values that is lived out is restoring to parents the role of primary disciplers to their children. God uniquely anoints them, but many feel unsupported and ill-equipped. In the small group there can be safety and support as they are empowered for this God-given responsibility. There can also be "fathers for the fatherless" (of all ages), many singles are restored as "He puts the solitary in families," and children are restored into the generational blessing they were created to receive.

• Take plenty of time to research through reading, conferences, consultation, email consultation, and finding out about good models. 
  Many of the mistakes that are made could be avoided if there had been more thorough preparation. Ideally, this preparation can also take place for the children within children's ministry as they transition into children's small groups.

• Always start a newly formed group with a Kids’ Slot. 
  This is when the children (or adults) go into a different room after the Welcome and Worship. They continue with the Word and Witness, taking the same application as the adults. This is generally called a "Kids’ Slot" and can be facilitated by any member(s) of the small group who are known and have been in the small group for a period of time. It is a time where the children discover more about the people in their community and members of their community discover more about them. They build relationship with each other and their Heavenly Father and understand their part in reaching their friends and relatives for Jesus!

• Find good, tried and tested small group meeting materials to use in the first few months. 
  This will prevent the small group becoming too childish or too academic. Either of these will be inappropriate for both children and adults! When all ages are being challenged and fruit can be seen in every age group, then you will know that you have "pitched it" right.

• Implement a group agreement and keep it operational.
  Right at the beginning it is important for the children and adults to have ownership of an agreement that can be regularly reviewed. This is an agreement on issues such as how each member will respect hosting homes, how they will respond to other members, how the issue of discipline will be addressed, and anything else where people have different standards and boundaries. The children can discuss various issues independently of the adults and then adults and children can compare their ideas and reach an agreement. If this is reviewed at regularly stated times, e.g. every two months, many unnecessary conflicts can be avoided in the small group.?

• Give children some ownership. 
  Ask their opinions and advice, give them appropriate responsibility, have faith for them to move in the gifts of the Spirit, and minister to other age groups. Everyone will benefit!
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• Remember the principle "as with adults." 
• Although children do have special needs, the following principle will make it possible for anyone to facilitate an intergenerational small group. In any situation where they are unsure what to do in relation to a child, ask "What would I do if an adult was in this situation?"
  • If a child is sick, visit him (as with adults).
  • Disciple them, equip them, and empower them to reach the lost (as with adults).
  • Have an expectation that the children will be active participators of the small group (as with adults).
  • If a child does not participate, break into twos or threes so he can be drawn out (as with adults).If a child does not want to go to the meeting, spend time talking with him to find out what the problem is (as with adults).
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• Equip the parents to be disciplers of their children.
  As you implement an equipping track (see our book Living With Jesus), you can introduce one for parents and children also. This will need the same support, accountability and preparation, first by going through a sponsor’s guide written for that purpose, or by holding a "Discipling Your Children" evening are just two ways of envisioning and empowering parents.
   
• Pray, fast, and more prayer and fasting.
  This is reclaiming ground from the enemy. It is spiritual warfare. While we do not underestimate the power of the evil one, we also know that Jesus has the power to restore and redeem "not by might, not by power, but by my spirit says the Lord."

These simple yet effective tools will help you facilitate the vision in the hearts of small group members. I was driving through our city this summer and I saw children with teenagers, children and their parents, teenagers and adults in twos and threes walking the streets as they prayer walked and delivered the "Jesus video" to homes as a part of a city-wide initiative. I was so moved as I realized that together they were taking the Kingdom of God.
 
I have heard children give powerful words of prophecy to adults who have so desperately longed to hear the voice of God in situations. Just last Sunday I was debating an invitation to India that I had just received. A child came to me during the praise and worship and simply said "Jesus wants you to go to India."
 
An intergenerational small group was meeting and one member was absent with a migraine headache. The small group leader asked a child to pray for her. "Dear Lord Jesus, please make her better, take away the pain, and don't let her die. Amen," prayed the child. The adults laughed and spent some time reassuring the child that she would not die. The next day the small group leader called to see how the migraine was. "Haven't you heard?" was the reply. "It is meningitis!" ...and she did not die!!

We need each other; we were created to be generationally interdependent just like Eli and Samuel.

More detailed help can be obtained through reading Daphne's books Radical Discipleship and Generational Transformation.